By Nana Ama Addo

With the recent influx of millennial transplants, the Philly millennial population is expanding and bustling with vibrant shades of young people looking for opportunities, better lives and love. So, what is the dating scene like for millennials of color, specifically for women? Don’t worry, FunTimes has got you covered! We take you into the unseen side of Philadelphia life. Grab your tea cup because this tea is scalding! Let’s hear from three Philly millennial women on life and love in the City of Brotherly Love.

Danny House is a 27 year old Operations Manager at a Charter School, hailing from Cincinnati, Ohio. She has been a Philly resident for five years. She describes herself as resilient, passionate, industrious, introspective and forever evolving.

For her, the dating scene in Philly is simply ‘disappointing”. However, she finds solace in visiting her favorite place, West Philadelphia. There she feels resilient, industrious, passionate, introspective and forever evolving.

How would you describe the dating scene in Philly for young women of color like yourself?

Dating is simply disappointing.

What’s your favorite place in Philly?

I love West Philly: the coffee shops, the parks, trees, small business, and restaurants, especially Cedar Park Café and Clark Park. It is so chill! I have a busy life and I try to keep busy honestly then coming home to an environment that forces me to slow down and appreciate all that is around me is beautiful and appreciated.

What’s your ideal date?

My ideal first date is something simple, maybe dinner, doing something that would allow us to get to know each other. Also, something involving the arts, music, theater, either creating something or watching someone else’s artistry.

What qualities do you look for in a partner?

I want someone who is driven, open, thoughtful, and intelligent- being intellectually stimulated is exciting, humorous, can be playful but knows when to be serious. I want a man who is thrilled to see a strong black woman and wants to celebrate her, care for her, love her.

At this stage of my life, I seek something simple that has the potential to build into something more. I honestly just want something consistent right now.

Has your success/ achievements impacted your dating life? If so, how?

I have never been someone who has allowed men to occupy space in my life who haven’t been worthy which is why I have been alone most of the time. To answer the question, the more successful I am the more difficult it is to find a man who isn’t successful in their own way attractive.

What’s your opinion on going Dutch? Do you think the guy should pay on dates?

I don’t mind it, especially if we have been dating for a while. As for the first date, it depends on who asked should be the one to pay. If a man, ask me out and then wanted to go dutch I wouldn’t think much of him.

Deal breakers:

I won’t compromise my convictions, dignity or my morals to be with someone. A man who is content with being still in life and not investing in his growth is not a man I wish to be with.

Advice to young professionals navigating the dating scene in Philly:

Good luck! I am not sure if all have found dating so disappointing especially if apps are not your thing and even if they are- *shrugs shoulders* its hard out here- either way you’ll need the luck. If things seem bleak don’t lower your standards just to have … company. You deserve someone who will acknowledge your worth.

In seven years, I see myself here in Philly! I will have a couple of properties, still in education. If the universe sees it, maybe I will have a partner or kids. I know for sure I will be investing in my happiness, prosperity and evolution.

Connect with her on Instagram at @monolithichouse.

Sharia Williams is a 34 year old cosmetologist. Born and raised in North Philadelphia, she describes herself as fun, smart, creative and confident.

How would you describe the dating scene in Philly for young women of color like yourself (your experience)?

It’s tricky. You have to know what you want. Be confident. Don’t compromise just to be liked. The right person will like you for who you are. Some people date for the wrong reasons. You have to learn to weed out the ones that don’t have good intentions. Trust your instincts.

What’s your favorite place in Philly?

I have a lot; depends on the mood. I love to explore my city.

What’s your ideal date?

Great Food, good energy, good conversation. The vibe makes the date. It could be as simple as getting ice cream and a walk at Penn’s landing

What qualities do you look for in a partner?

It’s important for my partner to be goal-driven, loyal, trustworthy, honest and caring. There is no room for selfishness in a partnership. They would have to have good communication skills.

At this stage of your life, what are you looking for i.e. to build, someone to chill with, a potential spouse, etc?

At this stage of my life, I’m looking for someone to build with. I haven’t reached my full potential. It’s always room for growth. It’s important to have a solid foundation before marriage. Marriage is full of compromise. If you don’t have something solid to stand on you will sink.

Has your success/ achievements impacted your dating life? If so, how?

No, you have to date like-minded people. If you feel like your success is impacting your dating then you’re dating the wrong type of people. Most likely you are looking in the wrong places. Your partner should want you/push you to do better.

What’s your opinion on going Dutch? Do you think the guy should pay on dates?

In my experience the guys always pay. The guys that I dated wouldn’t allow me to pay if I tried. I’m not going to judge the guys that don’t, maybe they don’t have it financially to pay all the time. Sometimes this gets tricky, depending on the level of maturity. Some people go on dates for the wrong reasons. They abuse the fact that they aren’t paying and they don’t really like the person to begin with. I think whatever works for you. Be honest about your date etiquette up front. Usually, if you invite someone on a date that means you’re paying.Don’t just say split the bill at the end of the meal and expect a second date ...lol

What are your deal breakers- something you won’t compromise on to be with someone?

Dishonesty is a deal breaker! Also, lack of communication. You have to want more from life. You have to want to grow. You can’t be stagnant.

What advice do you have for young professional women navigating the dating scene in Philly?

Be opened minded. You can’t force love; it just happens. There are no cheat codes to dating. Be honest and open. Try new things. Dates don’t have to cost an arm in a leg. Find fun things that you like to do. See if you can have fun together. Most people know how to sit across the table and interview each other. You can’t find out if you are compatible on different levels if you don’t experience things together. Active dates can tell if you are compatible on those levels.

Where do you see yourself in seven years?

I see myself growing tremendously, financially, mentally and spiritually.

I will be traveling and experiencing more of the world. The sky is the limit.

Find her on Instagram @justdot @unbunifu_marketplace

Bintu Kabba, a 32 year old Book Publisher and events curator hailing from New York by way of West Africa, has been in Philly for 23 years. She describes herself as ambitious, spontaneous, passionate, mysterious and focused. This is her take on dating in Philly.

“I would say the dating scene in Philly is a bit boring and difficult at the same time. Boring because the decent men of color or already in relationships and at my age most of them have children. Difficult because there aren’t a variety of successful and educated men at my fingertips or on my level so I tend to run circles around many of them.

What is your famous place in Philly?

My favorite place in Philly is West Philly. It’s the heartbeat of the city in my opinion. In West, I love Han Dynasty, a mandarin restaurant in University City.

Your ideal date?

My ideal date is when a man has me over his place and cooks me a meal. If it’s African food, even better.

What quality are you looking for in a partner?

I look for a partner who is equally ambitious and hardworking as myself, expansive, open minded, loyal to his friends and family and cares about the global community. I am interested in someone who can teach me skills I may lack to help elevate me in life, has a natural curiosity about the world around them and loves to travel.

At this stage of your life, what are you looking for i.e. to build, someone to chill with, a potential spouse, etc?

I am looking for a friend. Someone I can trust and be vulnerable with and wants to see me win in life. Naturally the more we spend time together and get to know one another I hope that friendship can develop into love and that I may one day find my future husband. It’s all a process worth exploring.

Has your success/ achievements impacted your dating life? If so, how?

Absolutely. I’ve been told I do too much and I’m too much to handle. I also noticed that although men may say they admire the fact that I have a bachelor’s and master’s degreealong with several businesses, it can intimidate. I’ve had men sabotage our growing relationship because of the expectations they place on themselves to have more. I can’t help but feel that if I were a basic type of woman with not that many goals, than a man would feel more needed by me and I would have been taken off the market by now.

What’s your opinion on going Dutch? Do you think the guy should pay on dates?

In my recently published dating book “Fck You Fck Boi: How to Date and Decipher in the Millennial World” I discuss the matter of going Dutch. Just don’t. If you start off one way with a man, he will hold you to it for life which means you’ll be going Dutch in literally all aspects of the relationship. I prefer to allow a man to pay for dates or for me to treat him to a few dates but I never split the bill. I believe it’s all circumstantial on who pays for a date and when. Because men are at different stages of their lives, if he’s a college student he can’t afford to splurge like you want so sometimes take him out. However, if he’s a successful executive than yes, I do believe he should pay for most dates. He makes more money than me. There will, however, be days that I take him out and spoil him a bit.

My deal breakers are

1. Over agggression
2. More than one baby mother
3. Laziness
4. Doesn’t save money
5. Insecurity

Advice for young professional women navigating the dating scene in Philly:

Use online dating apps to find men more of your caliber. It’s literally the only way to weed them out unless you’re committed to attending professional events weekly. Don’t be afraid of dating apps and create a warm and inviting profile that any man would love to swipe right to.

Where do you see yourself in seven years?

In seven years I see myself happy, be it alone or in a relationship. I’m committed to my own happiness and healing. It’s never too late for love so I will always remain hopeful that I will have my special someone one day and have a family of my own but seven years ago I thought I would be there by now. Life is funny like that sometimes. Now I know that if you tell God your plans he will laugh because his plan is much greater for your life.

Connect with her on Instagram @bintutheguru @tasteofafricadinner @bkpublishingco and check out her website at www.bintukabbaonline.com.

Well, there you have it folks. We will say, there is no single story, and every person is unique. But it’s best not to be feeling in the dark. Don’t lose hope, perhaps your King is right around the corner! Stay tuned for the next edition, where we will hear from millennial men and their take on dating in Philly.

How has your experience been with dating in Philly? Do you have any tips for newcomers on the dating scene? Are you a millennial man who wants to speak on dating in Philly? To join the conversation, email us at [email protected].